I’ve never run a half marathon (or any kind of marathon), but I’d imagine this is what it feels like to see the finish line after all that hard work. The finish line doesn’t just represent the end of the race. It also represents all the hard work and training that went into preparing for the race. Crossing the finish line proves that every thing leading up to that moment helped prepare you for the crossing of the finish line.
That’s how I feel right now. After almost a year of training for this moment, it’s finally here. I started with Pandora’s Box and now I’m here at the finish line. I just accepted a job offer in a new city (a job pertaining to my degree – which I honestly NEVER thought I would use…), I’m moving in with one of my best friends from college, a handful of my High School best friends are also living in the area at this time, I’m considering grad school down the road (granted I like this new job), and I fall more in love with my cat and myself every day… Things are different, very different, and yet, some parts are still the same.
At times I still feel like I’m making all these future life plans as a distraction to run as far away from the previous life plan I had made. I still feel like I’m trying to ignore certain parts of myself that used to exist. I often feel like such a new person, but my heart aches when I remember who I used to be. Though I think that who I am now IS a better person, and I’m reaching all sorts of goals I never would have even tried, I do miss the innocence and effortless ease to love and be happy. It’s a bittersweet beginning and end. It’s a final goodbye to who I was all these months prior, and it’s a final hello to this new adventure and this new person that I’m still getting comfortable with.
I wonder if a snake shedding it’s skin goes through any of this same confusion. How long does it take for them to get comfortable in their new skin? Do they ever miss the old one they had? Whatever it takes for them, I hope that I can do the same. Shed my old skin and slither far, far away, leaving the old me in the dust without a second glance back.