Just when you think things are great and there’s no more grief or heartache, it comes back like it never left.
How have I made giant leaps and bounds forward into this new future but can so easily be whipped back to that place I thought I’d left behind. How can things be so different than they were two months ago, but all of a sudden I find myself exactly where I’d been before.
There’s not a night I don’t think about you before bed, but usually it’s a thought that drifts in and out as I drift off to sleep. Tonight was different.
I laid my head on the pillow and thought of you for a brief moment, except this moment expanded into that place. Suddenly I was Alice floating down.
One thought led to another, that led to another. All the moments that I missed and cherished flashed through my mind a thousand images per second. And then all the hurt and tough things we went through played like I was viewing it all through a 90’s view master. The same images just rotating again and again and again. Until I broke.
I have trouble piecing together how we went from those people to these people. How did we go from what we were to what we are now. I don’t see how those people, those feelings, don’t exist anymore. Especially because for me they never stopped existing….. I wish I could say it all gradually fell apart and it was obvious that it was a long time coming. But that’s the most frustrating part for me, it wasn’t like that. We went from 0 to 100 in a matter of 4 days. Those 4 days ripped apart 3 years of hard work and dedication.
Tonight I fell down the rabbit hole. Luckily we all know Alice wakes up and realizes it was all just a dream, right?