One of the random thoughts I’ve had this week: What are the repercussions later in life of being forced out of love with someone?
What does it mean for me, and those that have experienced being forced to fall out of love with someone? Do you ever really stop loving them if you never wanted to in the first place?
I think about it everyday and I’m scared a tiny part of my heart will always be reserved or blocked off. I feel bad for my future boyfriend or maybe even my future husband that there might always be a tiny part of my heart that holds onto the love that I never wanted to say goodbye to. Will this actually affect my future relationships? Am I just over thinking?
I don’t know what it’s like to fall in love again. And I’m so scared that I won’t be able to fall fully. I obviously know that people move on to other people and have multiple loves in their life. But none of those people are going to go around saying that they still hold pieces of their heart hostage to those that they’ve loved before, especially if they’re in another relationship. Do we just cover up old loves with new ones? It’s hard to fall out of love when you don’t have a choice in the matter. Someone is making that choice for you.
I got excited for about 3 days talking to someone that I really connected with and it was nice to have a distraction and to flirt and feel giddy with butterflies. I was starting to feel that high of a new connection, but like always, something happened with me and I stopped responding. I remembered that a huge part of my heart still belongs to someone else. I remembered that the person I’m talking to doesn’t really measure up to my standards, it was just nice having someone to talk to for a few days. It was nice to have attention, but then I realize it’s not the attention I want nor is it someone that I want to give my attention to.
I don’t want to just cover up my old love with a new love. I wish I could stop seeing my old love as a good love, but it was. It’s hard when you know what kind of love you want and being scared that you’re not going to find it. That’s the best part of a first love, you don’t have any other loves to give you expectations or comparisons. You just love freely and blindly. I wish I could have that love again.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Or has anyone who has been forced to fall out of love noticed that a small part of their heart longs for the love that got taken away from them without having a say in the matter, even when you’ve moved on into a new relationship? Or is this just an irrational fear?