The First Date.

5.5 months, and ya girl just went on her first date. Not just her first date since the breakup, but pretty much the first date ever with someone that wasn’t already a boyfriend……… (and I’ve only ever had one boyfriend so that’s a lot of no first dates for me).

I feel SO good, and not just because I met a pretty cool guy, but I’m so proud of myself!!! I got out of my comfort zone and as much as the old me was begging me to just stay at home and binge watch Youtube with my cat, I ignored her and just did it! It feels liberating that I am becoming confident with myself and slowly starting to open up to new possibilities of connection (something I thought I was never going to do again). And the cool thing about going on the date is that I’m not excited because of the prospect of a new relationship, I’m excited because I did it for the prospect of  a new me! I feel like I have changed so much as a person just in the last month or so because:

1. the old me probably would have cancelled last minute and kept putting off a reschedule until the boy just stopped asking and

2. because I allowed my heart to be open enough to go on a first date with someone new.

The main reason why the old me would cancel last minute was because I was SO insecure with who I was. I feared judgement and rejection. I didn’t want to show up and disappoint them about what they were getting in person (because yes we met on a dating app). But it was fun and we laughed and got along really well. And I’m glad I’m really taking what I’ve been learning about myself and love and relationships and allowing myself to start rebuilding that vulnerability I was scared that I had lost forever.

Would I say there is more for the future with Mr. First Date, eh. I wouldn’t be opposed, but it’s not like I think he’s the new Mr. Right. And I think that’s okay. Even if it goes nowhere than this, I feel so much happier than I have in months. I want to cry at the person I am becoming, because it’s a person that I always wished I could become. Even though I don’t love the awkwardness of the first meet up and the awkwardness of the first date goodbye (side hug for the win), I think maybe, just maybeeeee, I’m entering a new world of “adult” dating – and it’s kind of fun. Emphasis on kind of….

Maybe this is my big entrance to live the life like Sex and the City. Maybe I’m now addicted to the rush of first dating. Maybe I’ve gone from being a cougar to finding myself a sugar daddy 😉 (okay he’s only 27, but feels like a century in age difference after dating a 22 year old still in college). Maybe I’m about to become a serial first dater. Maybe I will actually be satisfied with being single forever. Maybe. Buttttt probably not.

But watch out world, because a new me is emerging and she’s pretty bad ass and becoming confident in herself (a lethal combination). I feel sorry for the boy who let me go.

Also if Mr. First Date happens to find this blog, it was a really nice first date 🙂 and I hope it’s okay I just blogged about our first date….


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